tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-89491011080006372972024-02-21T02:22:43.867+00:00Big Mean Flash GamerSpending way too much time on the internet has taught me one thing - there are a lot of online games out there, and plenty of them suck donkey balls. This blog allows me the opportunity to separate the wheat from the chaff and generally bitch about games that blow.Big Mean Flash Gamerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16787803154485377044noreply@blogger.comBlogger146125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8949101108000637297.post-36931944549604014582010-08-20T00:56:00.003+01:002010-08-20T01:14:13.484+01:00Achievement Unlocked 2<center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/AchievementUnlocked/AU2-Title.jpg"></center><br /><br />Plenty of games, from the cheapest Flash programs to the most expensive console titles, have implemented achievements and bonuses as an incentve to keep playing, sometimes long after you've completed the game. This week's good game, <a href="http://armorgames.com/play/6561/achievement-unlocked-2" target="_blank">Achievement Unlocked 2</a>, takes this concept to its natural result by making a game where the goal is to collect every achievement possible. It's metagaming at its finest as you bounce around numerous levels as a blue elephant intent on gaining every worthless but welcome pat on the back.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/AchievementUnlocked/AU2-Screenshot01.jpg"></center><br /><br />The achievements come thick and fast almost from the first go, but there are 250 to collect and they aren't all so easy to pick up. Achievement Unlocked 2 does a great job of expanding on its predeccesor. You're still a flat blue elephant in a large white room, but now you can actually travel to other levels, collecting coins to unlock new areas.<br /><br />Some parts of the game are downright weird, like the hamster wheel that you have to spin around in and the big button on the roof that lets you flood the floors below. Actually, that last one has a purpose, as there are some spots you can't reach otherwise.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/AchievementUnlocked/AU2-Screenshot03.jpg"></center><br /><br />I suppose I'm giving myself an easy week, as there isn't a whole lot to write about. You jump around, you collect coins, you try to avoid and land in spike pits - it's about as straightforward as you can get. There are no enemies, no big bad at the end, no motivation other than to score all of the achievements. But what makes Achievement Unlocked 2 so damn impressive is just how far it's come since the first game, keeping things simple while expanding the title for new and old fans alike. That alone is worth pressing the "Play" button - and yes, you get an achievement for that, too.Big Mean Flash Gamerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16787803154485377044noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8949101108000637297.post-92156858204178708302010-08-04T22:33:00.004+01:002010-08-04T22:44:03.009+01:00Axis Football League<center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/AFL/AFL-Title.jpg"></center><br /><br />In the past I've always had praise for Armor Games, a site that maintains a consistently high quality of online titles. Of course, we all make mistakes from time to time. Nobody's perfect, after all - just look at Idi Amin. And so Armor Games has sadly suffered its own wave of psychotic, xenophobic deportation, by which I mean they're hosting a game called <a href="http://armorgames.com/play/6500/axis-football-league" target="_blank">Axis Football League</a> and it sucks.<br /><br />This is a game that clearly has the best of intentions. In fact, it describes itself as the "first, great online football game," which made me chuckle heartily, as there is nothing great about this title. I guess it looks nice, but if you're a long time reader of Big Mean Flash Gamer, you'll already know that looks can be deceiving. Sometimes that hot chick is really a man and sometimes a pretty game is really a pile of garbage. But only one of those events will change your life and make you ask questions on the concepts of gender and sexuality, and it's not the second one.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/AFL/AFL-Screenshot01.jpg"></center><br /><br />I suppose, being someone with little interest in American football, this game wasn't going to appeal to me too much. But hey, there are plenty of sports I don't follow and as long as the game based on it plays well, I can still have fun. Obviously they couldn't use the names of real teams due to copyright purposes (because, you know, the Steelers worry about Flash games stealing their logo.) I decided to play as the New England Volunteers. Wow, that name must strike terror into the hearts of their opponents.<br /><br />You pick a play to run and then you go to the game screen. Here's where things start to get tricky. I've never seen a game with so simple a control system sound so complicated. I can't even tell you what the problem is; it doesn't seem natural, you don't find yourself slipping easily into the controls like you might with other sports games. I think part of the problem lies with the use of both keyboard and mouse controls. That works fine for me, since I played it on a laptop. But if you've only got one hand to take care of the keyboard buttons while your other is occupied solely with clicking the left mouse button, it would no doubt be a big hassle.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/AFL/AFL-Screenshot02.jpg"></center><br /><br />The nice graphics come back to bite you on the ass at this point, too. So determined were the programmers to show as much of the field as possible, we're left with a top down view seemingly from the bottom of the Goodyear blimp (oh, wait, we can't use copyrighted names. Um... the Nice... Month... Balloon.) The animation is fluid, but there's just one problem that would sour my opinion of any football game: I can't see the God damn ball!<br /><br />I'm doing my damnedest to block passes and take down the other team, but how do I do that when I'm not even sure who's holding the ball? Usually, by the time I know, it's too late to stop my opponents from gaining another twenty yards.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/AFL/AFL-Screenshot03.jpg"></center><br /><br />The vast array of plays you can use is impressive but hammers home the feeling that this is not a game for casual fans. I have no idea what most of these names mean and was randomly picking whatever play I thought gave me the best chance of success. Odds are this approach was no less effective than if I'd known what I was doing. In the end, Axis Football League is a frustrating game for anyone but the commited pigskin fan. Even then, I'd probably suggest throwing a ball around with some friends before wasting your time on this well-intentioned mess.Big Mean Flash Gamerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16787803154485377044noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8949101108000637297.post-14641037838310791272010-07-29T00:13:00.003+01:002010-07-29T00:24:46.999+01:00Zombies Took My Daughter!<center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/ZTMD/ZTMD-Title.jpg"></center><br /><br />Zombies! As I've mentioned time and time again, I love 'em. While vampires sparkle and wolfmen lose their teeth, zombies amble on regardless, as cool today as they were when George A Romero popularised the modern zombie flick. So a game called <a href="http://www.kongregate.com/games/nerdook/zombies-took-my-daughter" target="_blank">Zombies Took My Daughter</a> really can't fail to entertain, and thankfully it does just that.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/ZTMD/ZTMD-Screenshot02.jpg"></center><br /><br />Your daughter Anna is trapped somewhere in an infected city. Mutated ghouls roam the streets; you've got 36 hours to search for Anna and get her to safety. One of the coolest things about Zombies Took My Daughter is that the game map randomly changes every time you play, so you never experience the same levels twice. It also means that, no matter how experience you gain, there'll always be new surprises and challenges waiting for you.<br /><br />The game features an abundance of mêlée weapons and firearms. While it's always satisfying to cave in a zombie's head with a Ming vase, however, my advice to find a shotgun and keep it fully loaded. The shotguns may not have much range but they make up for it with pure stopping power, taking down numerous ghouls in one shot.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/ZTMD/ZTMD-Screenshot04.jpg"></center><br /><br />You're not alone in the abandoned city. While the zombies are a given, you can also rescue other survivors, who will then help you clear out an area. This will save you ammo as well as reduce the risk of getting hurt. Dying is something you definitely don't want to do often. Every time you go down for the count, you lose two hours. Considering it can take one or two hours to reach each new destination via the subway system, that's time you can't afford to lose.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/ZTMD/ZTMD-Screenshot05.jpg"></center><br /><br />Thankfully, there are ways to cut down the search time. Examine dead bodies and you may find evidence of where Anna hasn't been spotted, eliminating numerous spots around town (and making one wonder how Anna got so popular that everyone in the city seemingly knows her.) There are also quests that you can complete, gathering a certain amount of supplies to eliminate a whole block from your search. These supplies aren't always in the easiest to reach spots, but then that's part of the challenge and the reward is definitely worth it if you want to get in and out of the city on time. Convicts are on the loose, and taking them down can earn you money you'll need for rope ladders and energy drinks.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/ZTMD/ZTMD-Screenshot07.jpg"></center><br /><br />While it's not the prettiest game in the world, Zombies Took My Daughter still has a certain charm. It's the sound effects that really get to you, though - hearing an undead mutant's pig squeal as it tears into your flesh isn't something you'll forget easily. It must be said that there's something very unnerving about watching a gang of zombies race towards you like you were slathered in BBQ sauce and you have only a crowbar with which to defend yourself.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/ZTMD/ZTMD-Screenshot08.jpg"></center><br /><br />Zombies Took My Daughter is a frighteningly addictive game - hell, I stopped writing this review at one point to have another go at it. If you platformers, shoot-'em-ups, puzzle games or zombies (or all four), then this is the game for you. Grab your hatchet and your AK-47 and take to the streets!Big Mean Flash Gamerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16787803154485377044noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8949101108000637297.post-80401945373749570742010-07-25T13:17:00.002+01:002010-07-25T13:28:34.185+01:00Ice Bike<center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/IceBike/IceBike-Title.jpg"></center><br /><br />Oh man. You may notice the extreme lateness of this review. I guess I'd just been putting this off. Not for any real reason, if I'm honest. <a href="http://www.i6.com/game/12241//games/i6games/ice_bike/ice_bike.swf" target="_blank">Ice Bike</a> isn't an awful game. It's not particularly good, but it isn't rage-inducing. If anything, the game doesn't incite any emotion whatsoever.<br /><br />Let's face it: that's far worse than pissing people off. Surely your goal should be to cause some kind of reaction in the player, right? Not so much here. It's a shame because Ice Bike is actually a pretty well made game. You drive a snowmobile around a course in the shortest time possible and everything looks pretty nice.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/IceBike/IceBike-Screenshot02.jpg"></center><br /><br />Nothing jumps out at you, true, but it's perfectly adequate. That's the best way to describe Ice Bike - a thoroughly adequate game.<br /><br />The graphics? As I've noted, perfectly adequate.<br />The controls? Turning can be a little slow, but otherwise adequate.<br />Difficulty? Well, there aren't any penalties (you can't even really crash) and you're not up against a time limit, but the tracks get a bit longer and more twisty, so I suppose it's... adequate.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/IceBike/IceBike-Screenshot04.jpg"></center><br /><br />You see my problem here? How do you review a game that has nothing out of the ordinary? There's nothing about Ice Bike that makes it memorable. It just kind of sits there, like that ornament your aunt Brenda bought you that one time she was on holiday in Cypress and that you never notice until it's time to clean the living room. Why would you bother playing a game like this?<br /><br />Maybe if you like snowmobiles, you'll get something out of it. But then, depending on where you are in the world, you could just drive a snowmobile. It reminds me a lot of a scene in an old episode of The Simpsons. Bart, forced to stay in school while everyone else goes to the chocolate factory, has to help Principal Skinner seal envelopes. Skinner suggests that Bart make a game of it, seeing how many he can seal in an hour, then trying to break that record. To which Bart replies, "Sounds like a pretty crappy game."<br /><br /><center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/IceBike/IceBike-Screenshot05.jpg"></center><br /><br />Ice Bike is that crappy game. The only competition is yourself, and I don't mean you have to overcome some inner demons to achieve success. You ride around a course, you see how quickly you did it, then you try to do it faster. Since all of the course are unlocked from the beginning, there's no incentive to beat your record. You do it just because, for want of a better reason.<br /><br />In a world where there are great games and awful games, Ice Bike ranks somewhere right in the middle. Neither good enough to be a fan favourite nor bad enough to cause waves of gamer rage, it sits on the Information Superhighway like a petrol station you only stop at if you need to stretch your legs, quickly forgotten as soon as you leave.Big Mean Flash Gamerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16787803154485377044noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8949101108000637297.post-18752816925230266912010-07-14T21:31:00.003+01:002010-07-14T21:38:32.590+01:00Doodle God<center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/DoodleGod/DoodleGod-Title.jpg"></center><br /><br />Like many people I picked up Peter Molyneux's literal God sim Black & White. The concept of being a deity - choosing whether I wanted people to worship me out of love, respect or fear; raising and training a monster to carry out my godly duties and occasionally eat someone - really piqued my interest. After years of Sim City allowing you to just be mayor, here was a game that allowed you to be the ultimate divine being!<br /><br />Which was great, except it eventually got a little boring. You see, being a god in Black & White was a lot like being the mayor in Sim City. You did an awful lot of resource gathering and general day to day problem solving, interspersed with the odd monster battle or, if you were bored, people throwing (which, of course, you couldn't really do if you wanted to be a nice god - as if anyone cared about that.) I never played the second game because it apparently took all the things that were fun about the first one and made them kind of suck, but my memories of Black & White remain a few hours of fun, then an ever increasing urge to do something less godly and more fun. I will say, however, that it makes Old Testament God's regular mood swings a lot more understandable. You'd raze a city to the ground too if Geoff from Crop Gathering kept bugging you about the annual reports.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/DoodleGod/DoodleGod-Screenshot01.jpg"></center><br /><br />Anyway, this week's game puts you back into the position of god without having to worry about all that administrative stuff. <a href="http://armorgames.com/play/6313/doodle-god" target="_blank">Doodle God</a> simply focuses on the fun part of being the Creator - namely, creating stuff. It's an intriguing little puzzle game that asks you to make a myriad of items by mixing and matching different elements. Starting with earth, wind, fire and water, the goal is to create 115 brand new elements (though the word is used loosely - I don't remember seeing "tree" on the periodic table."<br /><br /><center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/DoodleGod/DoodleGod-Screenshot02.jpg"></center><br /><br />It's a disarmingly simple concept that's easy enough to get sucked into but tricky enough to keep you guessing as you mix up different elements, branching out from the original four to develop more advanced items.<br /><br />The graphics aren't much to write home about, but then a game like this doesn't really call for anything flashy. Instead, things are kept clear and simple: two columns of elements, pick one from each column and watch them smash together to make something new. Most of the early elements are pretty obvious, but as things get more complicated the combinations become trickier to discern.<br /><br />Fortunately, you can ask for a hint every now and again that helps point you in the right direction. It's definitely needed, as is some serious lateral thinking. It allows for a nice mental workout, but not one that will leave you screaming at your monitor.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/DoodleGod/DoodleGod-Screenshot05.jpg"></center><br /><br />All in all, Doodle God is an intriguing little puzzle game that your Creationist cousin will love. Little touches like the inclusion of a quote by famous figures make for a classy title, and the ability to download the game as an App means you can create the Universe on the move. A wonderful little game.Big Mean Flash Gamerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16787803154485377044noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8949101108000637297.post-82283747441737754682010-07-08T21:42:00.002+01:002010-07-08T22:00:27.442+01:00HeadShot<center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/HeadShot/Headshot-Title.jpg"></center><br /><br />As long time readers will know, I'm a big fan of sniper games. There really is nothing more satisfying than watching the head of someone you've never met explode due to a bullet fired from 300 yards away.<br /><br />Um... anyway, you'll also be aware that when I come across a crappy sniper game (and I've come across many), I like to point it out for ridicule and abuse. What can I say? I'm an jerk like that. That brings us to <a href="http://www.flashgames247.com/play/13837.html" target="_blank">HeadShot</a> (yes, all one word, and yes, with a capital "S" in the middle, bringing to mind some 90's EXTREEEEME superhero.) The plot goes pretty much like this: with gang-related crime tearing the city apart, the mayor has hired you to secretly kill off all of the gangsters in town. Legal issues aside, what makes the mayor think one guy with a sniper rifle can eliminate all the gangs in his city? If the police and elected officials can't stop the crime wave, what makes him think this one sniper can? Is this guy The Punisher, or something?<br /><br /><center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/HeadShot/Headshot-Screenshot02.jpg"></center><br /><br />Starting the game, I was instantly reminded of another, better sniper game, simply called <a href="http://www.addictinggames.com/thesniper.html" target="_blank">The Sniper</a>, and set during D-Day. This isn't really surprising to me, as HeadShot is a carbon copy of The Sniper, save for a few missing touches, such as the realistic twitch of the sniper scope, the ragged breathing of the man behind the rifle and kickback after every round. HeadShot has none of these elements and the rather plain, uninspired graphics as well as the basic gameplay doesn't make up for it. It's perfectly serviceable, but "serviceable" just doesn't cut it when a game two years older than yours is five time better.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/HeadShot/Headshot-Screenshot04.jpg"></center><br /><br />Also, can someone tell me what's going on with some of these gangsters? What the hell is this guy doing? Is he breakdancing? Is he praying? Some of the characters take the most laughable poses that shooting them in the head is less like execution and more like saving them further embarrassment.<br /><br />Not that you should really bother aiming for the head. You may be surprised to learn that a game called HeadShot awards you bonus points for shooting gangsters in the head. But no matter how carefully you aim, nine time out of ten a head shot won't register, so it's really not worth the time and effort.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/HeadShot/Headshot-Screenshot06.jpg"></center><br /><br />Definitely not the time, anyway. That's another thing that grinds my gears: the time limit on each level. Level one has you searching for five Latinos (oh, that's another thing - all the gangs are handily split up into distinct racial minorities) in an eighty second time limit. Certainly not impossible, though it may take one or two attempts before you spot all the gangsters. But how about when you get to level three and have to shoot 25 "Afros" in the same amount of time? True, that many makes it more like shooting heavily armed fish in a barrel, but there's always going to be those one or two that are hiding behind a wall, or the gun won't load fast enough for you to nail every single one. And what happens when you start to panic and miss shots? That's more time wasted. Why no one thought to increase the time limit in relation to the number of targets, I can't say, but I have the sneaking suspicion they were just too damn lazy to do it.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/HeadShot/Headshot-Screenshot07.jpg"></center><br /><br />HeadShot is a bog standard sniper game brought down by unimpressive visuals and stupidly short time limits. I'm sure the guys who made it are really proud, but the guy who makes Tactical Assassin won't be losing any sleep over them.Big Mean Flash Gamerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16787803154485377044noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8949101108000637297.post-10223859262061393192010-06-30T23:52:00.002+01:002010-06-30T23:59:48.649+01:00Exit Path<center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/ExitPath/ExitPath-Title.jpg"></center><br /><br />All right, I'm starting to get back into the rhythm now, this week reviewing a game that turns the rock all the way up and the suck all the way down. <a href="http://armorgames.com/play/5917/exit-path" target="_blank">Exit Path</a> is a fun, fast platform game that presents us a tale of a lone individual trying to achieve freedom in a cold, oppressive world.<br /><br />OK, so it's hardly the most original of concepts, but let's give the game a chance. It sports a very pretty look, with a somewhat stylished, simple layout that's functional while retaining a certain sense of style. True, nothing particularly jumps out at you, but it's a good, consistent look that fits the game's plot.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/ExitPath/ExitPath-Screenshot02.jpg"></center><br /><br />What really impresses, though, is the gameplay. The animation is fluid and dynamic, with our hero racing through numerous violent death traps in an attempt to escape. What makes things more interesting is the use of the "Flow," a meter that allows you to move at supersonic speeds for a small amount of time. Used effectively, the flow can shave seconds off your time. But if you don't watch your step, you could end up meeting the business end of a flying axe, which makes the game much more frenetic.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/ExitPath/ExitPath-Screenshot04.jpg"></center><br /><br />Don't worry if you do end up tasting a laser beam or getting crushed by a spiked platform. There are checkpoints on every level to save you the trouble of going through the same obstacles again and again. Plus, like Prince of Persia: Sands of Time, death in Exit Path results in time reversing to the last time you weren't being mangled by a giant circular saw. It's a nice little touch and, while we wouldn't miss it if it wasn't there, it's a good example of the effort put into making a high quality game.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/ExitPath/ExitPath-Screenshot05.jpg"></center><br /><br />Completing levels and collecting caution signs opens up a bunch of options for customising your character, including everything from paper bags to bunny ears. But if you want more, or if you're just tired of the single player game, Exit Path contains a sweet multiplayer option that lets you face off against four others in a race through a number of unique levels. I'm not really one for multiplayer games, what with my general misanthropy, but Exit Path makes it so simple that it's not surprising to lose a lot of time trying to outdo others in a series of high speed contests.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/ExitPath/ExitPath-Screenshot03.jpg"></center><br /><br />All in all, Exit Path may feature plenty of things we've already seen before, but it's a finely crafted game that offers plenty of entertainment. If you're looking for thrills and speeds through a technological wasteland that seeks only to eviscerate you, then Exit path is the game for you.Big Mean Flash Gamerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16787803154485377044noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8949101108000637297.post-25248060025246858302010-06-23T22:30:00.003+01:002010-06-23T22:45:35.257+01:00Oil Spill Cleaner<center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/OilSpillCleaner/Oil-Title.jpg"></center><br /><br />Here I am once again, finally slipping back into my regular schedule after starting a work placement a couple of weeks ago. Anyway, I'm ready to write a review this week. So, is it good game or bad?<br /><br />Oh.<br /><br />Well, that's depressing. And with that in mind, I decided to subject myself to a game based on the most depressing news story of the last month, that of the unending oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico.<br /><br />Yep, <a href="http://www.addictinggames.com/oil-spill-cleaner-game.html" target="_blank">Oil Spill Cleaner</a> is a light-hearted (at least, I think it is) little arcade game that I think was trying to transmit an environmentalist message but that got too caught up in upsetting people deeply. Crude oil is flowing into the Gulf at an alarming rate and, in a move that will surprise no one who watched the response to Hurricane Katrina, you and you alone have been given the job of cleaning it up.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/OilSpillCleaner/Oil-Screenshot01.jpg"></center><br /><br />Your little boat is equipped with a vacuum designed to scoop the oil out of the water and you work eight hour shifts, between which you can buy upgrades. Above all, you have to stop the oil from reaching the Louisiana coastline, where it will destroy the natural habitat of the animals there and result in those photos of oil-covered seagulls that make my fiancée cry. I will say that Oil Spill Cleaner plays pretty well, but it's no more complicated than having the boat follow your mouse pointer around the screen. It isn't exactly pretty, either. Maybe games that look like they belong on an Atari 2600 are in vogue right now, but in my view the retro thing should be done lightly. At the very least, upgrade your graphics to Commodore 64 level, guys!<br /><br /><center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/OilSpillCleaner/Oil-Screenshot03.jpg"></center><br /><br />The ship upgrades are all effective, I suppose, but what annoys me is how one can't skip an upgrade level, even if you've got the cash. You've got to buy each upgrade in its correct order, which sounds like a waste of money to me (but then, I'm not a government official or the vice-president of a multinational corporation, so what do I know?) What really grinds my gears is that, with every level, the oil spill naturally gets faster. So all you're really doing is keeping pace with the oil. You never really get an advantage over it - in fact, it's pretty depressing to clear up a section of water just to see it turn black again almost instantaneously.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/OilSpillCleaner/Oil-Screenshot04.jpg"></center><br /><br />In the end, sometimes you just have to approach the oil in the same manner any self-respecting D & D gamer approaches trolls and kill it with fire. This is actually a lot of fun, but it costs you 10,000 points a shot, so know when to use it - usually when you reach the point of total boredom.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/OilSpillCleaner/Oil-Screenshot05.jpg"></center><br /><br />Yes, that would be Oil Spill Cleaner's biggest flaw: for all of the frenetic bouncing back and forth, scooping up crude oil to help save the turtles, the game is remarkably dull. Every level is simply the same slog for 96 seconds, just a little faster. And as the game goes on, you start to understand how those dealing with the real oil spill must feel when they watch millions of gallons of black death seep into the ocean. You never, ever get ahead of the spill and you'll never, ever finish cleaning it up. It's only inevitable that oil will hit the coastline and then you'll have to focus on cleaning that mess up, too. I don't know if this game was supposed to educate or entertain, but it did neither. All it did was make me flail angrily and curse the folly of man. I'm pretty sure video games shouldn't do that.Big Mean Flash Gamerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16787803154485377044noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8949101108000637297.post-44572032443145532872010-06-03T00:41:00.002+01:002010-06-03T00:54:38.425+01:00Destructo Truck<center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/DestructoTruck/DestructoTruck-Title.jpg"></center><br /><br />So here I am, lucky enough to have a few pretty darn good games over the last few days, and thinking about which one I should review for this week's Big Mean Flash Gamer. Tough call, really; adventure, action, puzzles - I've played a pretty wide variety this past week and been thoroughly entertained.<br /><br />But only one of those games allows me to drive a lorry down a ramp and crash it into a never ending line of buildings. That game is <a href="http://www.ninjakiwi.com/Games/Action/Play/Destructo-Truck.html" target="_blank">Destructo Truck</a>.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/DestructoTruck/DestructoTruck-Screenshot01.jpg"></center><br /><br />Destructo Truck gets points immediately because it reminds me of the always wonderful Indestructo Tank series. But while those games have you driving along, merrily smashing into enemy aircraft and vehicles, Destructo Truck eschews any meaningful narrative or in-depth character development and instead focuses on building bashing goodness. It's a bit like when Michael Bay told the screenwriters of <i>Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen</i> to remove anything that slowed down the pace or gave a hint of character development. Except <i>Revenge of the Fallen</i> was shite and Destructo Truck rocks your socks off.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/DestructoTruck/DestructoTruck-Screenshot02.jpg"></center><br /><br />Still, I expect Mikey boy would appreciate this game. It taps into something that I believe all men have, which is the innate desire to burn things and jump on stuff. All that Destructo Truck asks of you is that you drive as fast as possible down a long ramp, sail off the end and then sit back as your truck barrels through building after building, creating the longest "Smash Streak" possible to access power-ups and bonuses. With the salvage from destroyed buildings you can purchase upgrades for your truck, even redesiging the chassis and body of the vehicle.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/DestructoTruck/DestructoTruck-Screenshot03.jpg"></center><br /><br />That's really all there is to it. In that regard, Destructo Truck probably doesn't have a lot of replay value. But there's something deeply satisfying - even cathartic - about watching a bright yellow truck smash its way through 57 buildings and businesses before rolling slowly to a stop. It's the same reason a game like Burnout is so popular: all the thrill of a grinding car crash straight out a Bourne movie but without the annoyance of serious injury or insurance claims.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/DestructoTruck/DestructoTruck-Screenshot04.jpg"></center><br /><br />Controls are simple - the right arrow to accelerate and the Space bar for everything else. Upgrade rockets, your engine etc. and watch the truck roll trough buildings like they were made of paper. Can't get much better than that! The graphics are exceedlingly simple, but then nobody's playing this for its remarkable visuals. Everything does the job just fine, so while it doesn't win any awards for innovation, one can't fault Destructo Truck for focusing simply on getting the fundamentals right.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/DestructoTruck/DestructoTruck-Screenshot05.jpg"></center><br /><br />Destructo Truck is big, dumb and lots of fun, so it gets a thumbs up for that. It cares little for your serious Earth, revelling instead in a ridiculous concept. and can't help but entertain.Big Mean Flash Gamerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16787803154485377044noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8949101108000637297.post-36468402468678124492010-05-26T20:24:00.003+01:002010-05-26T20:30:55.571+01:00Human Centipede: The Game<center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/HumanCentipede/HumanCentipede-Title.jpg"></center><br /><br />No. No, no, no, no, no. No. Sorry, but no.<br /><br />I refuse. I refuse to accept this. My eyes are sending me messages but my brain is flat out ignoring them completely. This isn't happening. Jesus, if you're reading this, please come convince me that this isn't happening.<br /><br />No one would have done this. No one is such a sadist nor such a masochist that they would do this, and certainly not take any kind of pride in this. So, no. This isn't real. There can not possibly be a <a href="http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/537029" target="_blank">Human Centipede</a> game.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/HumanCentipede/HumanCentipede-Screenshot01.jpg"></center><br /><br />Oh, God damn it, there is! Why!? WHY!? What kind of monster would do this to the human race? For those fortunate few who have no idea what <span style="font-style:italic;">Human Centipede</span> is, I will try to explain in ways that don't lose you IQ points. <span style="font-style:italic;">Human Centipede</span> is a film about a mad German doctor who decides to create - yes - a human centipede by sewing people together in a messed up conga line, sewn anus to mouth.<br /><br />There's a trailer; I'm not linking to it. I want you to stop for a moment and consider that someone out there sat down and wrote a script called Human Centipede. That writer then sold that script to a producer who clearly sat back and said, "You know what? I'm gonna take a chance on that centipede film." A director was hired, a director who was serious about working on a film about people who get their mouths sewn to someone else's ass. A cast was brought together, a crew filmed it, it was edited and then released to the world. And now there's a game. A game based on <span style="font-style:italic;">Human Centipede</span>.<br /><br />My God.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/HumanCentipede/HumanCentipede-Screenshot03.jpg"></center><br /><br />Thankfully, the game differs slightly from the movie. You play the doctor and unfortunately your creations have turned against you. Who knew that if you forced people to survive on the waste of someone else for the rest of their miserable lives, they would get upset? Anyway, it's time to grab a gun and get shooting before your mockery against nature comes back to kill you. All the while you'll need to avoid police officers as well as cars and other items that fall down the screen towards you.<br /><br />I get the 8-bit look that they're going for, but the bare game screen doesn't do much to capture one's attention. I guess the image of people crawlling down the screen like a deleted scene from the movie Freaks was arresting enough. All the same, there isn't much to say about how the game looks.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/HumanCentipede/HumanCentipede-Screenshot04.jpg"></center><br /><br />There's even less to say about how it plays, either. The controls for Human Centipede are functional but the gameplay is flawed. Firing is especially problematic; you usually have to wait until a shot has hit a target or disappeared before you can fire another. There's not rapidfire options here, which makes the game a far more difficult prospect. The enemies continue to move faster and faster while you remain at the same speed. There's nothing wrong with a challenge, I know, but this gets very frustrating once you get past Level 4.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/HumanCentipede/HumanCentipede-Screenshot05.jpg"></center><br /><br />Maybe I'm being unfair, as I was going to be biased against this game from the moment I first read the title. But you know what? It's <span style="font-style:italic;">Human Centipede</span> - what other reaction was I supposed to have!? This is a crap game based on an offensive film - not offensive in that I'm disgusted by the concept (though I am) but offensive in that this piece of crap got made while I'm still trying to get producers to pay any attention to me! <span style="font-style:italic;">Human Centipede</span> is everything that's wrong with film, the movie business and the human race. Human Centipede: The Game is like a spit in the face after being kicked in the balls.Big Mean Flash Gamerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16787803154485377044noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8949101108000637297.post-25350814702735917842010-05-12T23:11:00.003+01:002010-05-12T23:32:18.862+01:00Enough Plumbers<center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/EnoughPlumbers/Plumbers-Title.jpg"></center><br /><br />Hey, you! Yes, you, the person who isn't my fiancée (thanks for the hits, baby)! You always loved Super Mario Bros. when you were a kid, right?<br /><br />Sega player? Oh. Me too.<br /><br />Hey, whatever! What I'm trying to get at is that the Mario games were and remain a perennial favourite of retro gamers. Something about the totally ridiculous concept of of an Italian plumber jumping around a weird, brightly coloured mystical realm in search of a kidnapped princess just struck a chord with people. Well, if you liked guiding one plumber across platforms and pitfalls, you're going to love doing that with fifteen plumbers! Or at least you will if you play <a href="http://www.notdoppler.com/enoughplumbers.php" target="_blank">Enough Plumbers</a>, a game that combines puzzles, platforms and genetic cloning.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/EnoughPlumbers/Plumbers-Screenshot01.jpg"></center><br /><br />Plenty of games let you create copies of your character and have them carry out tasks to overcome obstacles, but I haven't seen many that have you controlling all of the clones simultaneously. Herein lies some of the challenge in Enough Plumbers. It's up to you to reach the flag on every level, which usually involves creating and sometimes sacrificing clones in order to cross pits and remove walls. Taking its cue from the Mario games by which it is clearly inspired, Enough Plumbers has a bright 8-bit look, simple controls and plinky-plonky MIDI music that you can thankfully mute if it gets too annoying.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/EnoughPlumbers/Plumbers-Screenshot02.jpg"></center><br /><br />This paragraph break is so I can post the above screen shot. Allow me my indulgence; watching the hero take a Superman pose and fly off to the next level can't help but raise a smile.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/EnoughPlumbers/Plumbers-Screenshot03.jpg"></center><br /><br />What helps Enough Plumbers break up the monotony of repetitive jumping, dodging and cloning are numerous power-ups than can help or hinder you if used at the wrong time. Become metal and smash through bricks, down fizzy cola and inflate into a human balloon, or eat mushrooms and experience wild hallucinations where everything is topsy-turvy, left is right and right is left! And while I may be exagerrating the extent of that last power-up's abilities, at least it's a more accurate depiction of what can happen than the Mario games ever gave us.<br /><br />Just because you feel ten feet tall, doesn't make it so, man.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/EnoughPlumbers/Plumbers-Screenshot04.jpg"></center><br /><br />I will say one thing about this game - it can be a damn struggle to get through. Good hand-eye co-ordination is a must, as is a certain amount of lateral thinking. Even then, sometimes luck just doesn't go your way. Trying to complete the same level again and again is always stressful, but there are some puzzles here that can't help but raise your blood pressure tenfold.<br /><br />The above level is a perfect example. I need to guide one plumber across the platforms and hit a number of buttons while a second plumber floats perilously close to rows of flame. To make things just a little harder (because hey, why the hell not?) two jumping assholes are also in the way. Maybe you'll manage it on your first try, though the more likely scenario is keyboard smashing and language that would kill a Pope. Fortunately there is a walkthrough for those puzzles that leave you simply dumbfounded.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/EnoughPlumbers/Plumbers-Screenshot05.jpg"></center><br /><br />I don't even know what to say about the final boss. He looks a bit like a cross between Mick Jagger and a gargoyle, and he shoots blue flames that turn you to stone. Difficult to beat, yes, but like everything else in the game there is a strategy to defeating him.<br /><br />At the end of the day, I really enjoyed Enough Plumbers. It's clever, it's fun and it's challenging without being totally unbeatable. It's the type of game that'll help you easily kill time while also pondering the contribution of gold coins to scientific experimentation.Big Mean Flash Gamerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16787803154485377044noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8949101108000637297.post-87860206146281991522010-05-06T18:39:00.003+01:002010-05-06T18:52:26.195+01:00Ninjack<center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/Ninjack/Ninjack-Title.jpg"></center><br /><br />I took an impromptu two week break from Big Mean Flash Gamer, but I'm... happy to announce I have returned. And no, I won't be ducking out of the crappy game I should have given you two weeks ago. However, I refuse to give it any more time than I already have, so let's crank this review out in record time as I take a gander at <a href="http://www.freeaddictinggames.com/game/ninja-jack/" target="_blank">Ninjack</a>.<br /><br />Or is it NinJack? Jesus, what a pun. Rodney Dangerfield would have turned his nose up at that turd. I can only assume the title comes from the main character's name being Jack and the fact that he's a ninja, though he looks more like a Street Fighter cosplayer from where I'm sitting. The game is a traditional arcade platform affair, with our hero facing off against enemies while trying to gather gold and treasure. Pretty solid concept, but pretty lame realisation.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/Ninjack/Ninjack-Screenshot01.jpg"></center><br /><br />My problems began almost immediately with that title music. I appreciate going for the old school, retro feel, but good God, that theme is annoying! All the more reason to press the Play button, I guess. You're thrown right into the thick of it almost immediately when some flying ghost thing shoots a blue fireball at you. That's all good, no point wasting time. You have the power to fight back, of course, using the Space bar and directional keys for a variety of attacks. And herein lies our next problem: Ninjack can't fight for shit.<br /><br />The controls just end up being more complicated than you'd first imagine. You have to hold down the Space bar before pressing one of the directional keys, meaning you can't move and attack. Having to stand there and hope for the best would be OK if almost all your opponents had highly effective ranged attacks. While you have to get close enough to do any damage, then stand absolutely still before striking, these assholes can hurt you from the other side of the screen.<br /><br />Oh, you've got throwing stars - a whole three. After numerous embarrassing deaths I finally realised that the best strategy is to avoid confrontation whenever possible. Yes, in the arcade game that sees you play a human killing machine, the best way to survive is to run away at every opportunity.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/Ninjack/Ninjack-Screenshot03.jpg"></center><br /><br />The overall design of the game is packed with flaws. Jumping in tight corners is one of the most frustrating parts of the whole thing - if you don't leap off a ledge at exactly the right spot, you can often find yourself falling back to the platform below you. In Level 2 I came across a phantom platform. Yeah, it looked like it was there, but as soon as I tried to jump on it I sank through the son of a bitch. And to top it all off, the game loves to toss little power-ups and bonuses in places where you have no way of reaching them. A refill for my precious throwing stars sat on a ledge just out of jumping distance, mocking me. Considering neither your health nor your weapons reset between levels, you really need these bonuses.<br /><br />It all looks pretty, but then people say the same thing about Tila Tequila and she's still a useless waste of organs. By the time you finally figure out the controls, you've already reached the point of not caring. But that's OK - the game's developers clearly reached that point long ago.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/Ninjack/Ninjack-Screenshot07.jpg"></center><br /><br />Case in point: the third and final level sees you wandering in circles before finally reaching the exit point. Once you've done it, the game... goes immediately back to the title sequence.<br /><br />That's it? No victory screen? Not even a "You win!"? No, you managed to complete the game and nobody, not even the people who made it, gives a damn. Well, gee, thanks Ninjack. That totally doesn't want to make me toss my computer out the window in anger!<br /><br />Ninjack is a shoddy, frustrating, pointless little game, its only positive being that it's mercifully short and easily forgettable.Big Mean Flash Gamerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16787803154485377044noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8949101108000637297.post-49525277927461002592010-04-14T21:07:00.003+01:002010-04-14T21:22:42.463+01:00Ghost Guidance<center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/GhostGuidance/GhostGuidance-Title.jpg"></center><br /><br />I want to spend this week looking at a game that I feel has a ton of potential to be a truly great title in the future, but which manages to be pretty entertaining even now. Coming to us from Arcade Bomb, <a href="http://www.arcadebomb.com/play/ghost_guidance.html" target="_blank">Ghost Guidance</a> provides old school side-scrolling action with an interesting twist on the typical Artificial Intelligence character. Rather than playing a lone warrior trying to tackle an evil supercomputer, this time you <span style="font-style:italic;">are </span>the supercomputer, or at least some kind of self-aware energy orb. Realising that humans are the biggest threat to your continued existence, but that wiping out the entire human race is impractical, you instead decide to escape by taking possession of a rocket ship and hauling ass out of the secret government lab that birthed you.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/GhostGuidance/GhostGuidance-Screenshot01.jpg"></center><br /><br />This is one of the intriguing elements of Ghost Guidance: the ability to jump from one ship to another (as long as it doesn't have some kind of forcefield around it) means you can play in several different ways, utilising each craft's strengths and weaknesses. Effort has been made to really ensure the different vehicles actually <span style="font-style:italic;">feel</span> like different vehicles. The smallest craft are faster and have a higher rate of fire but can be destroyed with a single hit, while tank-like flyers shoot rockets that fly off in all directions. It's possible to play through an entire game using just one kind of ship but finding out what everything does is one of the pleasures of playing.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/GhostGuidance/GhostGuidance-Screenshot02.jpg"></center><br /><br />The game plays and looks really swell, though complaints of lag are justified in Challenge Mode. Still, with a huge number of ships, projectiles and explosions on screen at any one time, it's remarkable that slow down in gameplay was so rare in my experience. When you've got dozens of aircraft whizzing across the screen, it's satisfying to see it all look so damn good.<br /><br />The old-school feel under a fresh paint job means Ghost Guidance should be popular with older and younger gamers alike. It keeps things simple and is all the better for it. My biggest complaint, however, is that the game is just too short.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/GhostGuidance/GhostGuidance-Screenshot04.jpg"></center><br /><br />There are only three levels overall, with checkpoints in all three so that you don't have to repeat a whole level should you die. That's all well and good, but the levels are hardly long enough to justify checkpoints, anyway. If the game was longer then this would make sense. As it stands, though, the whole thing is over in less than ten minutes. Great for coffee breaks, but not so great if you're looking for something with a lot of replay value.<br /><br />Another issue is the ease with which the bosses can be defeated. Sure, they're big and you have to avoid falling debris as they break apart, but more often than not there's a single spot where you can stay and fire continuously at the boss without fear of being killed. For gamers who enjoy a real challenge and like the sense of accomplishment that comes with defeating a boss, this would be a major letdown.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/GhostGuidance/GhostGuidance-Screenshot05.jpg"></center><br /><br />Still, I can see great potential in Ghost Guidance. Many times I deride a game for its compelling concept but wasted opportunities. Ghost Guidance has a similar, though less extreme, problem. It embraces some of its innovations and unique elements but doesn't go quite far enough. Hopefully a sequel is imminent - something greater in scope and longer in duration, but still featuring the excellent tweaks that make the original a small pleasure.Big Mean Flash Gamerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16787803154485377044noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8949101108000637297.post-59782617866930283292010-04-08T00:32:00.002+01:002010-04-08T00:37:02.980+01:00The Robbers<center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/TheRobbers/Robbers-Title.jpg"></center><br /><br />Oh God. I hate this. I hate this whole thing. I hate reviewing these awful, awful games, even it is down to once a fortnight. I can't believe there was a time when I did this twice a week. What was I thinking? See, the "bad game" reviews are always posted so late because I just can't bring myself to actually write about these monstrosities. Every word is like an ice pick through the temple. It inspires nothing but pure, unadulterated rage and depression, and that usually gets directed straight at the source of my anger. This week, that would be <a href="http://www.gimme5games.com/index.jsp?id=robbers">The Robbers</a>.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/TheRobbers/Robbers-Screenshot01.jpg"></center><br /><br />Oh Jesus, how I hate this game. Hate it with the fiery intensity of a million suns! What an ugly, awkward, frustrating game this is. It makes one wish they suddenly lost all five senses so none of them would be sullied by this terrible game. Yes, even the sense of smell, such is the horrendous stink of The Robbers.<br /><br />Why is it so bad? Look, can you just take my word for it this one time and save me the hassle of writing another 500 words on the subject? No, of course you can't, because anyone who reads this on a weekly basis is a sadist and I am your bitch. OK, where to begin. First of all, it's a puzzle game that wants to be a platformer that wants to be... I don't know, Kitten Cannon. You've got three robbers, and each of them has a skill. One can climb walls, one bounces off walls and one can push things. None of that sounds the least bit impressive, but you don't need a PhD in theoretical physics to smash in a window.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/TheRobbers/Robbers-Screenshot02.jpg"></center><br /><br />And by God, does this game look ugly! They were probably going for something gritty, urban, stylised. They ended up with garbage. Are the robbers even human? I can't tell. The big one looks like some kind of ape creature. You've got a limited amount of time to reach a big jewel and you move the characters around by clicking and dragging the mouse. In a miniature golf sim, that works fine. In anything else it's slow and annoying. In The Robbers it's so frustrating that it makes me want to chew a pigeon. Jesus, that last sentence doesn't even make sense! Why would anyone do that!? This game is driving me insane!<br /><br /><center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/TheRobbers/Robbers-Screenshot03.jpg"></center><br /><br />Half the levels aren't even possible! I should have known exactly what I was getting myself into when I was trying to get bouncy boy past a rotating platform. Nine times out of ten it can't be done. No matter how strongly you throw the characters they don't jump for squat. When this guy hits a wall he goes frickin' crazy, bouncing off every available surface. But you've still got to get him over this platform and he just doesn't move fast enough to do. If you could jump again in mid air things would be much easier, but you can't do that either. Even if you manage to land on the platform, you'll never jump off it fast enough to keep from slipping back down to the ground. It's a good thing the first eight levels are unlocked from the start or I wouldn't have seen any more of the game.<br /><br />Wait, that's not a good thing at all!<br /><br /><center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/TheRobbers/Robbers-Screenshot05.jpg"></center><br /><br />Most of the time all you can do is set the power to maximum and pray for a miracle because God knows there is no way the average human gamer could figure out a real strategy for success. Half the time the puzzles are just completely moronic, anyway, like the level that sees the big guy Brute overcome obstacles by jumping up again and again and again. Or how about the climber trying to reach a jewel as one of the walls closes in? The wall moves so fast that you can't possibly reach the jewel in time, and even if it didn't get caught behind the wall you're not able to climb up there anyway. You'd think if the walls were closer together it would make jumping from one to the other easier, but apparently The Robbers is set in Crazy Cuckoo Land, where common sense doesn't exist!<br /><br />To hell with this game! Let it burn in the pits of Hades for all eternity! Oh God... God, this game is awful!Big Mean Flash Gamerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16787803154485377044noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8949101108000637297.post-39909649425998513412010-03-31T23:32:00.002+01:002010-04-01T00:05:31.361+01:00Robot Wants Kitty<center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/RobotWantsKitty/RobotWantsKitty-Title.jpg"></center><br /><br />Welcome back to Big Mean Flash Gamer, and after last week's vitriol I'm sure you're all set for awesomeness. Well, I've got it in spades with today's game, a wonderful little puzzle/platformer from our good friends Max Games entitled <a href="http://www.maxgames.com/play/robot-wants-kitty.html" target="_blank">Robot Wants Kitty</a>.<br /><br />Sometimes it really is the simplest concepts that make for the best games. Take Robot Wants Kitty, for instance. There's a robot and a cat. The robot really wants the cat. Like, <i>really</i> wants it. But there's a snag. The cat is stuck at the end of a hallway which has been bricked over by monsters. Why did they do that? They're just assholes, I guess.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/RobotWantsKitty/RobotWantsKitty-Screenshot01.jpg"></center><br /><br />When the game begins you're not able to do much more than run left and right. You don't even have the ability to jump, so all you can do at first is try to avoid the baddies completely. Fortunately there's an upgrade that gives you a spring in your step not too far away; others are dotted around the large, labyrinthine level and you'll need every one if you're going to rescue that kitty. Better get a move on, though, because time is of the essence and your score is dependent on how quickly you can complete the game. The bad news is that dying adds twenty seconds to your final time. The good news is that you can cut a second for every monster you kill with the laser upgrade.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/RobotWantsKitty/RobotWantsKitty-Screenshot02.jpg"></center><br /><br />As if I ever needed a reason to shoot red monsters with a laser gun. But once you've got the laser in your little metallic paws none of the beasties are particularly troublesome, allowing you to figure your way around the many twists and turns of the level as you try to locate keys, upgrade your system and get to that cat.<br /><br />Which isn't to say Robot Wants Kitty becomes a cakewalk as soon as you have some firepower. You still need to watch your step, lest you fall into a pit of boiling acid or get caught off guard by a roaming monster. But checkpoints have been kindly placed throughout the game to save you having to march all the way across the level to get back to wherever it was you died. Other games should take note of this - it saves time and keeps the player from screaming curses to your good name late into the night.<br /><br />Don't tell me I'm not the only one who does that because I'm not.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/RobotWantsKitty/RobotWantsKitty-Screenshot04.jpg"></center><br /><br />The look and feel of the game is charmingly retro, with clunky 8-bit graphics and a plinking MIDI soundtrack that amazingly doesn't make one want to swallow their own tongue in annoyance. I will admit that if you don't pay attention you can get the controls mixed up; on more than one occasion I rocketed towards an enemy when I had planned to vaporise it. If you ever kicked back on a Spectrum or Amstrad, however, Robot Wants Kitty should bring back fond memories.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/RobotWantsKitty/RobotWantsKitty-Screenshot06.jpg"></center><br /><br />Death is naturally inevitable and, to be honest, some areas just set you up to fail. For example, don't shoot at the giant multi-eyed blue blob that spits laser bubbles into the air. Just don't do it. You can't kill it, even with rapid-fire shots. You're just going to piss it off and then it's going to crush you. Likewise, the ceiling decked out in acid-spitting stalactites is just taking the piss. You can get through there with a rocket pack but if you don't figure out the almost non-existent pattern of drops you'll be melted before you ever get close to the other side of the room. And no, you don't <i>have</i> to run through that room, but what are ya, chicken?<br /><br /><center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/RobotWantsKitty/RobotWantsKitty-Screenshot08.jpg"></center><br /><br />Still, it's all worth it when you reach that end game scene and see the robot happily hugging his kitty. Squeezing it ever so tightly, kitty's eyes bulging out of its sockets... um, maybe we should take the kitty away from the robot? We can't? The lasers? Oh, right.<br /><br />So, yes, Robot Wants Kitty - proving once and for all that even metal men are capable of love.Big Mean Flash Gamerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16787803154485377044noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8949101108000637297.post-54838275117092300062010-03-24T23:40:00.002+00:002010-03-24T23:55:55.255+00:00Games2WinI'd like to try something a little different this week. I know there have been some changes with Big Mean Flash Gamer recently, and I know I'm expected to review a crappy game this week, but I have something else in mind. It's actually a review I've wanted to write for quite some time, and since I can't be bothered to spend any more time looking for something to review I might as well do it this week. Instead of focusing on one single game that raises my ire, I'm going to review an entire website of games - games so consistently bad that I could pick one at random every week for the next year and still have enough to see me well into 2011.<br /><br />What site could possibly produce so many steaming piles of dung, week in and week out? Who else but <a href="http://www.games2win.com/en/" target="_blank">Games2Win.com</a>?<br /><br /><center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/Games2Win/Games2Win01.jpg"></center><br /><br />Games2Win have a very shrewd business plan, one that keeps overheads low and income high: just keep making the exact same game over and over and over. And I don't mean games that are similar; I mean the exact same game. If it's a Games2Win title, then it's either about kissing, dressing up or taking photographs. Maybe you have to park a car, but that's as complicated as it gets (and my hatred of parking games should come as a surprise to no one with a brain.) Every new game is simply the last one with a new paint job - it's the equivalent of a shady used car salesman selling you back your own car with a new chassis.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/Games2Win/Games2Win02.jpg"></center><br /><br />But who cares if the games are all the same? AC/DC have been making the same record for almost forty years and no one gives them crap about it. The difference is AC/DC rock your socks off while these games blow chunks. Oh, they're put together well, but it's still very basic stuff, lacking the spark or ingenuity you find in online favourites. You'd think, after 18,000,000 attempts, they'd at least know how to make a fun dress-up game, but you'd be wrong and I'd laugh at your gullibility.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/Games2Win/Games2Win03.jpg"></center><br /><br />Another issue I have with Games2Win is its depiction of men and women. They can't decide whether women are shallow ditzes with only boys, shopping and more boys on their mind or evil harpies who tear your heart into pieces while cackling maniacally. Men fare no better; depending on who's coding the game males are either wimpy nice guys (even when they're bad boys) or total bastards. Three-dimensional characters? Games2Win need not such things.<br /><br />It's actually depressing in a way, because all of their games directed at girls and young women are based around pleasing men, while all the games directed towards guys see you hopelessly debasing yourself for a dream girl (that is, when the game isn't trying to entice you with pathetic attempts at titillation.)<br /><br /><center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/Games2Win/Games2Win04.jpg"></center><br /><br />I know, if the games are so bad, I could have just picked one, knocked out a few hundred words and kicked back for the rest of the evening. But Games2Win produce titles of such consistently poor quality that I finally snapped. This is a site that produces more rubbish than Addicting Games and FOG.com combined and it shows little sign of slowing down. The only word to truly describe Games2Win is ricockulous - that any game site can be so totally devoid of innovation, imagination or fun boggles the mind.Big Mean Flash Gamerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16787803154485377044noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8949101108000637297.post-21004690686946326262010-03-18T11:49:00.003+00:002010-03-18T11:55:35.971+00:00Sushi Cat<center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/SushiCat/SushiCat-Title.jpg"></center><br /><br />I don't know what it is about the Japanese and extreme weight gain. I mean, I know compared to some of the things you find in Japanese media, that's pretty damn vanilla, but it's still kind of weird. Ironically, becoming ridiculously fat is the goal of this week's good game, <a href="http://armorgames.com/play/5379/sushi-cat" target="_blank">Sushi Cat</a>. A product of Armor Games, who rarely put a foot wrong when it comes to their titles, it's a Flash version of <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Plinko" target="_blank">Plinko</a> with the disc replaced by a gelatinous blue cat. This is not as terrifying as it sounds.<br /><br />Said cat is trying to meet the tabby of his dreams, but through several twists of fate he can never seem to reach her. His solution is to become incredibly fat. No, I don't know what the thought process is there, but it is a cat, so naturally we're not going to understand everything he does. Actually, there are real reasons as to why he attempts to grow bigger, but I just find it more humorous if you think the cat's just weird and his would-be girlfriend is a feeder.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/SushiCat/SushiCat-Screenshot01.jpg"></center><br /><br />The game is composed of fifteen levels; in which one you must eat thirty pieces of sushi to continue to the next. This is done by deciding a place to drop your cat and releasing him with a click of the left mouse button. Down he tumbles, bouncing off platforms and nomming his way through many a piece of raw fish. I am always amazed at how fattening sushi is in these games. I can only assume it's based on reality, though I always thought fish was a pretty low fat dish. Still, there are other elements that might contribute to the high calorie count...<br /><br />Big Mean Flash Gamer - where pointless tangents equal good copy.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/SushiCat/SushiCat-Screenshot03.jpg"></center><br /><br />It must be said that Sushi Cat looks very, very pretty. The levels are grouped together into three separate zones and each zone has a distinctive look. They also have bonuses and obstacles specific to their zone, helping to deflect accusations of repetition and giving the player a real sense of progress.<br /><br />The cut scenes are also wonderfully rendered and tell a charming tale that starts out cute but actually becomes slightly disconcerting by the end. When the cat loses sight of his love, it's kind of strange that his reaction is to try collecting lots of dolls that look like her. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that, but... no, wait, that is what I'm saying. That's kind of creepy, Sushi Cat.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/SushiCat/SushiCat-Screenshot05.jpg"></center><br /><br />Of course, good looks don't mean squat without good gameplay, and here Sushi Cat acquits itself well. This is a game that's easy to learn but hard to master, and especially around the halfway mark there are a couple of levels that might prove difficult. But, in all honesty, this isn't a hard game to beat. If you've got fifteen or twenty minutes you shouldn't have too much trouble completing it. Fortunately there's enough to hold your attention for that long - in the latter levels, certainly, watching your tubby kitty get squeezed, stretched and bounced around is amusing. It's also pretty crazy to watch just how fat this cat can get. I mean, this is one cat who needs to run his ass around the block a few times.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/SushiCat/SushiCat-Screenshot06.jpg"></center><br /><br />A combination of cute and creepy, then, Sushi Cat tells us that it's OK to become morbidly obese for the one you love. I'm not really sure if that's a message we should be telling our children, but at least the game is fun. If you're a fan of Japanese cuisine, Plinko or <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tarepanda" target="_blank">Tarepanda</a>, you might be a fan of Sushi Cat.Big Mean Flash Gamerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16787803154485377044noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8949101108000637297.post-35984087567430465632010-03-11T20:41:00.003+00:002010-03-11T20:54:00.515+00:00Mobster Roulette 2<div style="text-align: center;"><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/MobsterRoulette2/MobsterRoulette-Title.jpg" /><br /></div><br />Apologies for the late edition, folks, but I'm catching up on work and here with a scrappy, crappy game for your perusal (or rather, dismissal.) Coming hot on the heels of its predecessor, <a href="http://www.addictinggames.com/mobsterroulette.html" target="_blank">Mobster Roulette 2</a> is that most idiosyncratic of things, a strategy game with no strategy - or fun, for that matter.<br /><br />It seems you lost $30,000 in a crooked card game and now you've got 24 hours (well, 2400 seconds) to pay it back to the gangsters you borrowed it from. Sounds like hard work, doesn't it? Well, it is, made all the harder by the minimal methods by which you can raise the cash. Mobster Roulette 2 is composed of several mini-games, none of which have had a lot of thought or effort put into them.<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/MobsterRoulette2/MobsterRoulette-Screenshot02.jpg" /><br /></div><br />The simplest way to guarantee some money is by smuggling weapons across the border, which pays a cool $1,000. The game itself is simple enough: drive your car down a perfectly straight piece of highway, avoiding road signs and oil slicks as well as the cops, and reach the border before time runs out or the vehicle suffers too much damage. As far as driving games go, it's not the worst but I've seen far better, and winning isn't all that difficult. You could easily raise $30,000 just by doing this over and over again, but that would get as monotonous as it sounds, so let's see how else we could make some dough.<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/MobsterRoulette2/MobsterRoulette-Screenshot03.jpg" /><br /></div><br />Ah yes, gambling - because that's worked so well for us so far. Again, there's nothing mind-blowing about these games. The blackjack game is straightforward and technically fine. It's a perfectly acceptable and adequate mini-game. But I could play far more interesting versions of blackjack online and not have to worry about some time limit coming down on me. Mobster Slots has the same issue - it isn't a bad game, just not a great one either. To be honest I've never seen the appeal of slot machine games online, unless you're working for some kind of reward, so there wasn't much motivation to keep on playing.<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/MobsterRoulette2/MobsterRoulette-Screenshot04.jpg" /><br /></div><br />Strangely, I had my best success on the roulette table. I was able to guess correctly most of the time and tended to go with safe bets rather than pick a specific number, so I won a pretty penny. I suppose it makes sense that a game called Mobster Roulette 2 would feature a pretty decent roulette game. Perhaps if they'd focused on that instead of a bunch of lame mini-games, it would have made for a better final product. As it is, the roulette is simply good. But whoever runs this casino may want to read up on child labour laws, because the person in charge of the table sounded a lot like a little girl.<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/MobsterRoulette2/MobsterRoulette-Screenshot06.jpg" /><br /></div><br />There's one other method of raising cash that I can't help but feel was added in the vain hope of causing a little controversy. If you get tired of running guns to Mexico and losing cash at the blackjack table (and you will), you can always grab your gun and just start shooting people on the street. There aren't any consequences for doing it, so grab a 12-gauge and blow 'em away! It's a bit gratuitous, all things considered, and you never earn more than nine or ten dollars per person. As a way of breaking up the tedium, however, it's great.<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/MobsterRoulette2/MobsterRoulette-Screenshot07.jpg" /><br /></div><br />On the off chance you actually have some spare money, you can spend it sprucing up your home, which is looking remarkably bare; I guess borrowing from the Mob really was the last resort. Why you'd do this and what it has to do with the main plot of the game, I have no idea, but I'm guessing it awards you bonus points at the end. Regardless, it's just an unappealing garnish on a meal that didn't look very good to begin with.<br /><br />In fact, nothing in Mobster Roulette 2 is very appealing. It's a game that looks and plays in a very workmanlike fashion. It's almost as if the developer released a beta, having not yet added the final touches to make the game more interesting. As it stands I just couldn't be bothered spending forty minutes to find out how it might end. There isn't enough to hold your attention for forty seconds, if I'm completely honest. Mobster Roulette 2 is a functional, acceptable game that holds little appeal and less staying power. In terms of gangster games, this one barely ranks as a common hood.Big Mean Flash Gamerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16787803154485377044noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8949101108000637297.post-73920698067777231282010-03-03T21:52:00.003+00:002010-03-03T22:08:41.576+00:00Robot Unicorn Attack<center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/RobotUnicornAttack/RUA-Title.jpg"></center><br /><br />You know, I'm ecstatically happy that I've started alternating my reviews between good and bad games because I don't think I could have waited until Christmas to comment on the sheer awesomeness that is <a href="http://games.adultswim.com/robot-unicorn-attack-twitchy-online-game.html" target="_blank">Robot Unicorn Attack</a>.<br /><br />Robot. Unicorn. Attack. Jesus Christ. Why did it take so long for this idea to come about? This is what the internet was made for, people! There's no way to objectively examine this game, so excuse me while I figuratively fellate this piece of insane genius for the next 500 words.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/RobotUnicornAttack/RUA-Screenshot01.jpg"></center><br /><br />Robot Unicorn Attack has you - oh God, do I even need to explain it!? If there's any justice in the world, you've already played this game! You should already know what it's about! But for the three of you who might not be aware of this incredible game's existence, I will try to outline the concept for you. You play a robot unicorn. You have three wishes (lives) that you spend racing across purple platforms, leaping through the air and leaving a rainbow trail behind you. You score points by collecting fairies and running through stars. Meanwhile "Always" by British synth-pop duo Erasure plays on a continuous loop.<br /><br />It is the most amazing thing I have witnessed in my twenty-five years on this Earth.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/RobotUnicornAttack/RUA-Screenshot04.jpg"></center><br /><br />There are only two buttons: Z to jump, X to dash. You must dash through stars or you will crash. What happens when you dash through stars? They friggin' explode! YEAH! You travel at the speed of sound, leaving a sonic boom with every mid-air leap. You become a robot unicorn Flash every time you dash. Like <a href="http://adamatomic.com/canabalt/" target="_blank">Canabalt</a>, another awesome game that received the thumbs up from me, you can't stop running and must continue forward no matter how fast and chaotic things get. But why would you want to stop!? You're a shooting star, leaping through the skies, like a tiger defying the laws of gravity! You're a racing car, passing by like Lady Godiva!<br /><br />What does that even mean? Who cares, it's awesome!<br /><br /><center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/RobotUnicornAttack/RUA-Screenshot05.jpg"></center><br /><br />And there are dolphins! Dolphins who fly through the air and are your friends! This game has everything! It even has a violent death for the robot unicorn, exploding upon impact with walls or stars, the robot head flying towards the player. And through it all Erasure continues to play, until you have no choice but to sing along, determined to live in harmony, harmony, OH LOVE with the rest of humanity... just as soon as you have one more go.<br /><br />But it'll never be just one more. Oh no - you play Robot Unicorn Attack once and you're hooked for life. There's no one thing that brings you back; it's the collective brilliance of everything coming together in one perfect package that makes Robot Unicorn Attack so God damn addictive. Take it as ironic humour or an earnest desire to spread joy into the hearts of cynical gamers.<br /><br />This is you.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/RobotUnicornAttack/RUA-Before.jpg"></center><br /><br />This is you after ten second of Robot Unicorn Attack.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/RobotUnicornAttack/RUA-After.jpg"></center><br /><br /><i>That's</i> how good it is.<br /><br />Oh God, why am I even writing this!? I should be playing this game! We should all be playing it! Reading such heart-warming motivational phrases like, "Shoot for the Moon!", "May all your wishes come true!" and, um, "Persistence is futile!" Destroying stars, collecting fairies, running and dolphins! This is what all games should aspire to!<br /><br />Robot Unicorn Attack. God damn...Big Mean Flash Gamerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16787803154485377044noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8949101108000637297.post-6526293101395750602010-02-24T23:38:00.004+00:002010-02-24T23:53:27.731+00:00Immortall<center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/Immortall/Immortall-Screenshot01.jpg"></center><br /><br />Well, here we are once again, and observant readers will know that this week I look at a game that sucks. As per usual, I spent my evening frantically searching for something sufficiently awful to rip into. But on my journey into the heart of mediocrity I found something far more intriguing - the second most depressing game I've ever played.<br /><br />The most depressing game (if you can call it that) was developed by <a href="http://nifflas.ni2.se/" target="_blank">Nifflas</a> and had you take on the role of an executioner killing a man by firing squad. If you shot the man, every time the game loaded you would be presented with his corpse, still blindfolded and tied to a post. The game's message was that all actions had long-lasting consequences and made me examine the fragility and importance of life in a new way. It also left me utterly despondent.<br /><br />So congratulations to Evan Miller and Armor Games; with <a href="http://armorgames.com/play/5355/immortall" target="_blank">Immortall</a> you almost made me feel just as much despair.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/Immortall/Immortall-Screenshot02.jpg"></center><br /><br />Immortall starts off with a pretty simple premise: small alien crash lands on Earth and meets a little girl. The little girl introduces the alien to her big brother who's too cool for school, but not too cool for apple picking. They kind of hang out and walk to their house, where the alien meets the children's parents.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/Immortall/Immortall-Screenshot03.jpg"></center><br /><br />The parents kind of freak out at first, but they're OK after a minute. So everyone is chillaxing and you all decide to just go for a walk. So far, so good; the alien has ingratiated himself to a bunch of cool humans and is getting a taste for Earth and all it has to offer. That's about the time our group walk into a war zone and start getting shot at.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/Immortall/Immortall-Screenshot05.jpg"></center><br /><br />Woah, woah! What the hell just happened!? Did this family not notice the fucking <i>war</i> happening right next to their house? How is that possible? And why are all the soldiers so desperate to kill them? Did the alien befriend the Von Trapp family? Jesus!<br /><br />With no other way to defend themselves, you have to use your body to shield them. And there's a lot to shield them from! Twenty seconds ago you were strolling through an orchard. Now you're riddled with so many holes you look like Martian Swiss cheese!<br /><br />You spurt green blood everywhere as soldiers, tanks and bombers blow the crap out of you and the family huddle together, shaking in fear. This is an emotional 180 the likes of which I've rarely seen. It's like watching Big Bird cut himself or Bugs Bunny get the shit kicked out of him by a bunch of rednecks outside a truck stop.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/Immortall/Immortall-Screenshot06.jpg"></center><br /><br />Naturally, the more you get shot, the weaker you become. As you get weaker, you move slower. You move too slowly and members of the family start to die. A shell took out the father and son; the little girl got taken down with machine gun fire. And still you walk on like a retard, knowing that everyone is dead and it's <i>all your fault</i>.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/Immortall/Immortall-Screenshot07.jpg"></center><br /><br />And then you die. And it begins to snow. And the snow covers your corpse as women cry. That is how the game ends. Regardless of how many people you save, you always die at the end. The music slows to a crawl until the player is left watching a scene of death and destruction in total silence. But it's not over yet, because then you get the message, the <i>raison d'etre</i> for this game's existence:<br /><br /><center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/Immortall/Immortall-Screenshot08.jpg"></center><br /><br />"Live." Live? How am I supposed to live when I stroll into a battleground and no one thinks, "Maybe we shouldn't shoot at the ten foot tall alien?" God damn this game! I know I should make the most of my life - you didn't have to blow children up to tell me that!<br /><br />I can't complain about the graphics; it looks great. I can't complain about the gameplay or controls; they're perfectly adequate. But such is the soul-crushing despair and hopelessness of the game that I'm left emotionally numb by it. I honestly don't know whether to recommend you play Immortall or avoid it completely. All I do know is, I want a hug.Big Mean Flash Gamerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16787803154485377044noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8949101108000637297.post-73897356224527447272010-02-18T00:24:00.004+00:002010-02-18T00:34:10.132+00:00Balloon In A Wasteland<center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/BalloonInAWasteland/Balloon-Title.jpg"></center><br /><br />So here it is, the start of a new era in Big Mean Flash Gamer history. Remember the date, 17th of February 2010: the day I started reviewing games I regularly enjoy. Never fear, every second week will see me spitting vitriol as per usual, but in an attempt to keep things interesting (and for the sake of my own sanity) I've decided that it's time to relax a little and enjoy my online gaming again. And where better to start than Armor Games' delightful shoot-'em-up adventure <a href="http://armorgames.com/play/5272/balloon-in-a-wasteland" target="_blank">Balloon In A Wasteland</a>?<br /><br /><center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/BalloonInAWasteland/Balloon-Screenshot01.jpg"></center><br /><br />Rarely does a title fully convey the true nature of a game like Balloon In A Wasteland. The plot is simple and to the point - you play a figure who looks remarkably like Mr Game and Watch wearing a snazzy hat. While floating along on the crisp evening breeze in your hot air balloon you hit a spot of bother and crash land on a desolate grey landscape. Now you must repair the balloon and fly away as quickly as possible.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/BalloonInAWasteland/Balloon-Screenshot02.jpg"></center><br /><br />And when I do mean quickly, because the wasteland is populated by strange gelatinous creatures that intend to very slowly eat you. Fortunately you have two things they don't: a gun and an unlimited supply of ammo. And since Mr Game and Watch has no concept of right and wrong I wouldn't be surprised if this ammo was intended for Marxist guerrillas hiding in the mountains beyond the wasteland.<br /><br />From this simple seed (fix balloon, kill monsters) grows a remarkably satisfying game. With every creature you kill you are rewarded with cold, hard cash, which you can use to buy upgrades from the many travelling salesmen who pass through (why none of these men don't just give you a lift to the nearest town is unclear, but chances are rescuing the only customer in a hundred mile radius would be bad for business.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/BalloonInAWasteland/Balloon-Screenshot05.jpg"></center><br /><br />Items like the fort will come in very handy because, eventually, the number of beasties onscreen during a wave reaches ridiculous levels. Fortunately you can't be hurt while in the fort and you also get a chance to sleep, regaining some much needed stamina. The bad news is you can't shoot from the fort, but once you've earned enough cash to buy some turrets they can fight back against the creatures while you get some shut-eye.<br /><br />Of course, the waves just become more ferocious as the creatures get bigger and tougher, which is why my advice to anyone who plays this game is to save up your money for one of the greatest inventions in history - the automatic assault rifle!<br /><br /><center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/BalloonInAWasteland/Balloon-Screenshot06.jpg"></center><br /><br />Mow down wave after wave of jelly monsters as they try to navigate your fiendishly placed traps! Curse under your breath as your clip empties in two seconds and you have to wait at least three for it to reload! Revel in how easy the game becomes as soon as you've got your mitts on this glorious weapon!<br /><br />Indeed, if there was one fault with Balloon In A Wasteland, it's that the game becomes far too easy once you have the more effective weapons. There’s an achievement for repairing your balloon in four days, but the truth is you could easily do it in two. Once you've got a fort and a decent gun, as well as a few mines and barbed wire fences to slow down the baddies, you're sitting pretty for as long as you want to blast away at the monsters.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/BalloonInAWasteland/Balloon-Screenshot08.jpg"></center><br /><br />This is where boredom can set in, so eventually you'll complete your repairs and float off to new adventures. And hey, it couldn't happen to a nicer silhouette. While Balloon In A Wasteland can get repetitive, there's no denying it's a fun game. The graphics excellent and the animation is fluid, while the controls are simple and the game mechanics solid. I do wish the bloody high score table that doesn't seem to work properly for me wasn't there and the achievements didn't reset every time you loaded the game, but they're just niggling complaints. Overall Balloon In A Wasteland is a great way to kill fifteen minutes and comes highly recommended.Big Mean Flash Gamerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16787803154485377044noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8949101108000637297.post-57167599145715112112010-02-12T00:03:00.003+00:002010-02-12T00:21:57.573+00:00Advanced Ninja<center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/AdvancedNinja/AdvancedNinja-Title.jpg"></center><br /><br />You've no doubt noticed the rather sporadic updates over the last few weeks, as well as the numerous missed deadlines, and I'd like to apologise for that. My timekeeping has been haphazard at best recently, but that's no excuse not to get a review up every Wednesday, as I have done almost every week since October 2007.<br /><br />The truth is I'm probably feeling some serious burnout right now. Plus, you can only play so many awful games before you just never want to look at one ever again. So how do I tackle this issue? I suppose the answer is pretty obvious - balance out the garbage with games I actually enjoy playing. That's why, from now on, Big Mean Flash Gamer will look at the best as well as the worst, alternating between good and bad every week. Next week I'll review a game I like. This week? Oh, this week, you better believe I'm bringing you some crap.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/AdvancedNinja/AdvancedNinja-Screenshot01.jpg"></center><br /><br /><a href="http://www.freeonlinegames.com/adventure-games/advanced-ninja.html" target="_blank">Advanced Ninja</a> is a platform game in which you control a stick figure ninja through some weird pseudo-futuristic underground labyrinth, using a grappling hook to overcome obstacles as well as your natural ninja skills. Sounds decent, right? Well, yeah, it does. But in practice it's about as enjoyable as dental surgery without anaesthetic.<br /><br />Actually, I take that back. At least with the dental surgery you'll eventually black out.<br /><br />The game looks... OK. I've seen worse looking titles, and at least the character gives the appearance of a ninja. But let's be honest here - if you had the choice between playing this simplistic platformer or something that looks and plays brilliantly like Nitrome's <a href="http://www.nitrome.com/games/finalninja/" target="_blank">Final Ninja</a>, which would you prefer?<br /><br /><center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/AdvancedNinja/AdvancedNinja-Screenshot02.jpg"></center><br /><br />Actually, if I remember correctly, the hero of Final Ninja also uses a grappling hook occasionally, except when you use his the controls don't seem broken as hell. For a game that essentially uses five buttons (W, A, S, D and the left mouse button) it doesn't say much that only three of them work all the time - and no, the jump button isn't one of them.<br /><br />I lost count of the number of times I'd fall fifty feet to the floor (or even better, into a vat of acid) because my character suddenly lost the ability to jump or grab hold of a ledge. What you find yourself doing, then, is applying the grappling hook to each and every situation. You use it to jump over walls, to navigate platforms and - my favourite - to climb up slopes, because either the entire ground is layered with oil or your ninja lacks the ability to walk uphill.<br /><br />And could someone tell me what the hell is going on here?<br /><br /><center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/AdvancedNinja/AdvancedNinja-Screenshot03.jpg"></center><br /><br />How did he end up in an asteroid field? This level just appears between two underground zones without rhyme or reason. And it's frustrating as all hell because, naturally, you can't just jump from one rock to the next. No, you have to grapple your way across the screen to the door - then grapple your way back because the door is locked and you have to find a button to unlock it. Not that I mind doing stuff like that; I just don't appreciate getting thrown into a random situation without any understanding of what the hell I'm supposed to do.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/AdvancedNinja/AdvancedNinja-Screenshot06.jpg"></center><br /><br />But the worst moment, above all the others, was this point with three collapsing platforms. Collapsing platforms, you think, what's the big deal? You just jump from one to the next and you get where you need to go. Oh, sure, that's what you'd do in any other game. But in Advanced Ninja the platforms fall if you so much as set a foot on them. And this is where the broken jump button really comes along to screw you over, because it's almost impossible to jump off fast enough. I was starting wonder why a game this amateurish was called Advanced Ninja, and then I realised it's because you need the reflexes of an actual ninja to win.<br /><br />You have to have the patience and poise to overcome the God awful control system and deal with the jerky, unappealing graphics to achieve victory. It's a game designed to separate the true ninja from guys who just like dressing in black. Which is fine, if you really want to know your ninja level. Me? I wanted to play a good game. My advice is to grab your grappling hook and swing away as quickly as possible.Big Mean Flash Gamerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16787803154485377044noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8949101108000637297.post-79396895946762986472010-01-28T00:09:00.003+00:002010-01-28T00:21:05.285+00:00Pro Skate<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/ProSkate/ProSkate-Title.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 550px; height: 354px;" src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/ProSkate/ProSkate-Title.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><br /><br /><br />Another week, another sub par skate game. I know, with my crappy balance and crappier knees, I'm never going to tear up a half pipe any time soon. Still, I like to pretend I could grind my way down city streets, usually living vicariously through the characters of games like this week's victim, <a href="http://www.flashgames247.com/play/13647.html" target="_blank">Pro Skate</a>. Except when I fantasised, I was never a gangly drunk apparently without a skeleton.<br /><br />Pro Skate isn't really a skating game. It's more of a balance game, riding from one end of a two-dimensional track to the other without falling. The goal is to do this as quickly as possible while picking up stars for extra points and grinding along rails. All in all, there isn't much to the skating; your mode of transport just happens to be a skateboard, but it could be anything and it wouldn't make the game any less enjoyable than it already is - by which I mean, not at all.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/ProSkate/ProSkate-Screenshot01.jpg"></center><br /><br />In fact, sticking this loose-limbed relative of Forrest Gump on a bike or in a car probably would have made the game slightly better. The controls are so damn sensitive that he spins left and right with the slightest of taps, crashing in a heap of barely attached body parts. He moves like someone dressed up a crash test dummy and nailed it to a skateboard. Why the game designers thought a rag doll was a good idea, I'm not sure, but as the skaters arms flail wildly back and forth I'm left feeling rather confused.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/ProSkate/ProSkate-Screenshot02.jpg"></center><br /><br />The one thing that gets you more than anything else is the complete lack of sound. There's no theme music; there are no sound effects save for one grunt at the beginning of each level, like it pains the game every time it has to load the next track. Well, I'm sorry, Pro Skate, I didn't realise I was being such a burden on you!<br /><br />It's so unnervingly quiet that I actually had to put on some music just so I would have a noise, any noise - anything but the awful silence that filled the room while I played. That's never something I've had to do before. I got through Platform Robot 2 without sound, and that's unquestionably the worst game in human existence! But Pro Skate's eerie quiet left me feeling as if something was trying suck my brain out through my eye sockets.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/ProSkate/ProSkate-Screenshot03.jpg"></center><br /><br />The game takes place in a construction yard for reasons I couldn't begin to fathom. Most skating games take place in, well, skate parks. Some take place on city streets. Not many are set on building sites for the simple reason that it would be retarded to skate in a bloody building site. Regardless, you skate one, trying not to fall over (and failing, repeatedly) while collecting stars. The stars, it seems can only be gathered if you touch them with your skateboard; I went right through plenty in the course of playing with no result. That's really all there is to it. Unlike other games of this type, Pro Skate doesn't feature any tricks. You can hold onto the board by pressing the "C" key if you want to flip in the air, but why bother? You'll probably just land on your head and you get more points for just finishing the level quickly.<br /><br />I found that the best strategy was just to move slowly across the screen, not attempting to do anything other than reach the end. It got me to the later levels but it was, naturally, about as exciting as Sundays with your grandmother.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/ProSkate/ProSkate-Screenshot05.jpg"></center><br /><br />Lacking good gameplay, good controls and good graphics, as well as any sounds at all (which I don't normally comment on, but which in this case just bugged me) Pro Skate is an ironic title, if ever I heard one. There's no real skating, and none of it happens in a professional environment. Every level is the same bland grey with a generic city silhouette in the background. There's no enjoyment to be gleamed from winning, and losing is far too easy. Considering there are already some really great skating sims out there, Pro Skate had to deliver far more than a slapdash balancing game to garner anything other than apathy.Big Mean Flash Gamerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16787803154485377044noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8949101108000637297.post-10025328810012571122010-01-20T23:59:00.002+00:002010-01-21T00:24:08.924+00:00LOLCat Escape<center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/LOLCatEscape/LOLCat-Title.jpg"></center><br /><br />So I didn't post a review last week, probably due to fatigue and/or laziness. OK, laziness. Unfortunately, while I was away the Internet got all freaky with its bad self. <a href="http://www.addictinggames.com/lolcatescape.html" target="_blank">LOLCat Escape</a> is why you don't let memes breed. It takes two random items and throws them together in an attempt to be funny but is eventually nauseating.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/LOLCatEscape/LOLCat-Screenshot01.jpg"></center><br /><br />LOLCat Escape combines something I find harmless and sometimes funny (LOLCats) with something I generally find annoying (escape games.) I don't hate all escape games, you understand. What irritates me the most about them is that the puzzles so often lack any logic. Without a walkthrough there to guide your way, you can often find yourself randomly clicking on every available spot in the hopes of finding some clue as to what the next move is. Now add to that cat macros, which by their very nature are nonsensical, and you have a recipe for disaster.<br /><br />The goal is to locate nine cats hidden somewhere around an MS Paint house. I know it's pointless to say, but God damn, this is an ugly game! Most escape games have the simplest graphics possible, but Jesus! It didn't help that the music from the <a href="http://www.webhamster.com/" target="_blank">"Hamster Dance"</a> played over the title screen. If you're looking for a game that slowly leaves you rubbing your eyes and nursing a migraine, then LOLCats Escape is the game for you. God, I can't even look at these screenshots!<br /><br /><center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/LOLCatEscape/LOLCat-Screenshot03.jpg"></center><br /><br />LOLCats Escape lulls you into a false sense of security. The front door is locked, so you look for a key. Where is the key most likely to be? Under the welcome mat. Along the way, random points on the screen can be clicked to reveal LOLCats. These are, by and large, the best thing in the game. I wound up searching for these pictures, because God knows I couldn't figure out the puzzles. I'd throw random items at more random items and hope something happened. I'd try to determine whether certain macros were clues and later find I was right, but I was clicking the wrong spot on the screen so nothing would work. I was left as confused as a pensioner looking at 4chan. I had almost no clue how to get anywhere in this game, even when I could see the solution right in front of me.<br /><br />My only other option was to try the game's <a href="http://flappy.flapjackgames.com/?page_id=2" target="_blank">walkthrough</a>, but you look at that thing and tell me if it's of any benefit! Look, I already feel like crap having to use a walkthrough; I don't need the walkthrough itself talking to me like I'm a retarded Muppet.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/LOLCatEscape/LOLCat-Screenshot05.jpg"></center><br /><br />Wandering aimlessly around a badly drawn house full of LOLCats for twenty minutes is not fun to me. I don't think it's fun to the people who made this game. This is yet another shoddy, confusing, illogical puzzle game, and really, those guys at Addicting Games have only themselves to blame for being mentioned in another review. A little quality control never hurt anyone, fellas. To them and the game's developers I have but one thing left to say.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/LOLCatEscape/i_am_disappoint_trollcat.jpg"></center>Big Mean Flash Gamerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16787803154485377044noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8949101108000637297.post-62032541453438121582010-01-06T23:34:00.003+00:002010-01-06T23:46:58.640+00:00Smash Boxing<center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/SmashBoxing/SmashBoxing-Title.jpg"></center><br /><br />Hello and welcome to the first Big Mean Flash Gamer of 2010 - indeed, of the decade. Following last week's abomination, I hope you can understand when I say this week's game isn't as woefully awful as you'd usually expect. Honestly, I don't know if I'll ever find anything that reached the heights/plumbed the depths (delete as appropriate) of Platform Robot 2 ever again.This is not something I cry myself to sleep over. But so great was that - ugh - game's impact on me, I retreated to something that was poor, but which didn't make me want to eat my own face.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.flasharcade.com/action-games/play-6440/smash-boxing-game.html" target="_blank">Smash Boxing</a> is a 2D flash beat-'em-up in which four gangs vie to be kings of the street, or something, through a series of bareknuckle boxing matches. Naturally it's all very dark and gritty, with tough hoods engaging in no holds barred fisticuffs. Or at least that's the idea.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/SmashBoxing/SmashBoxing-Screenshot01.jpg"></center><br /><br />One positive thing that struck me was the impressive number of characters available. Each gang has five members, giving you a full roster of twenty to choose from. What's not so hot is how every character looks so ridiculously stereotypical, meaning it's hard to take any of them seriously. They remind me of what network executives working on 1980s TV dramas thought inner city gangs looked like. If these guys making stupid macho faces actually walked through South Central LA, they'd probably end up stripped of their clothing and tied to a lamp post outside the local VFW hall. Those characters who don't look like idiots just look scared and/or stoned, neither qualities one looks for in a street fighter.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/SmashBoxing/SmashBoxing-Screenshot03.jpg"></center><br /><br />The game itself looks OK. It's not great, but it doesn't annoy or induce a migraine. The graphics are pretty much like everything else in Smash Boxing. The controls? They're OK. The animation? It's all right. The music? Generic, but it's not awful. Such is the paucity of ideas or innovation that Smash Boxing becomes a victory in mediocrity, if nothing else.<br /><br />Anyway, the game takes place in some kind of basement or alley with a boxing ring surrounded by barbed wire ropes. Doesn't that sound just a little bit like overkill, guys? Every street fight I've ever watched on Youtube has been little more than two fat men stripping to the waist and throwing wild, drunken punches. Even Fight Club kept things simple with a padded floor. It doesn't really matter, as the ropes are nothing more than a barrier for the sprites and you don't get hurt for walking up to them. It just seems so over the top that, again, any sense of drama is erased. The characters' movements are solid, if unspectacular, but hit detection and character reactions are poor. You can easily find yourself eating half a dozen punches without any chance of escape. Not being able to punch as you move backwards is also a problem; in fact, if you want to punch or hold guard, you have to stop moving completely. Attacking and defending on the move is a big part of actual boxing, so it doesn't say much for the developers of Smash Boxing that they couldn't do anything to improve the lacklustre controls.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/SmashBoxing/SmashBoxing-Screenshot04.jpg"></center><br /><br />Winning this game isn't actually all that difficult. Victory comes down to stamina above all else. Pick the guy with the highest amount of stamina and you'll be able to throw more blows for a longer period of time. Your gameplan should basically be this:<br /><br />1. Step in.<br />2. Throw a jab.<br />3. Step out.<br />4. Repeat.<br /><br />You can go in and throw haymakers and uppercuts if you want, weaving around your opponent's punches, but why bother? You're just going to tire yourself out, leaving yourself defenseless. Walk in, punch, walk away - as long as you don't get caught up in an actual fight, it's the surest path to victory.<br /><br /><center><img src="http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/cc90/bigmeanflashgamer/SmashBoxing/SmashBoxing-Screenshot05.jpg"></center><br /><br />Now, tell me this: What does it say about Smash Boxing if you can throw any and all challenge out the window within a few seconds? I'm not one of the OCD gamers who absolutely must win at any and all difficulties, so I'm not about to go back and try to beat the game with a weaker character. Besides, most of the characters have very similar stats, and none of them possess unique moves or qualities that might differentiate them and maybe allow an added layer of fun. No, Smash Boxing walks proudly down the middle of the road - not awful enough to raise your ire, but certainly not good enough to warrant repeat plays.Big Mean Flash Gamerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16787803154485377044noreply@blogger.com0